MADAME WEB
Starring: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor, Tahar Rahim, Mike Epps, Emma Roberts, and Adam Scott
Director: S.J. Clarkson
ADRIANO
In a purely ironic sense, Madame Web is kind of a miracle of a film. Something of a remarkable achievement in its own way. A film where not one thing is good is something that can't be done on purpose, right? Every line reading is off, the story is total nonsense, and the editing is a choppy mess. I truly don't know how many misfires it's going to take for Sony to realize that they need to give up the Spider-Man rights. If this isn't the final nail in the coffin for the Sony-verse, I don't know what is.
AMARÚ
Who at Sony keeps signing off on this bullshit? No amount of Spider-Man connections, off-kilter camera shots, and edgy flashbacks can save Madame Web from its poor writing, lethargic action and nonsensical… everything. It doesn’t even have dialogue. Instead of actually talking to each other, people are speaking clichés into a void while their scene partners respond in kind without listening, encapsulated by the most automated-voice-message-system villain I’ve ever experienced. I just hope all the film’s creatives go on to do great things, and pray that Aaron Taylor-Johnson survives whatever Kraven The Hunter has in store. Sony must be stopped.
PAIGE
When you leave Madame Web, be ready to clear cobwebs out of your eyes, because the Sony-verse may put you to sleep with this dull, lackluster entry. Sincerely, I'm not entirely sure what the studio had in mind when it released this movie. It has horrendous writing, illogical editing, dreadful ADR, and horrible visual effects. Nothing about this origin story is explored enough to make any sense, leaving me with a lot more questions than answers. I genuinely feel bad for the film’s actresses since they tried their best to get through delivering this soulless material.
CALEB
Madame Web reeks of apathy. The direction is uninspired, the script plays out like a first draft, and the editing is sloppy and disorienting. All of the actors phone it in, but Dakota Johnson’s performance is laughably unenthusiastic. She clearly doesn’t want to be there, and considering how bad the material is, I can’t really blame her. Madame Web is plagued by a lot of problems, but the biggest one is the unmistakable lack of passion from all those involved. If Sony wants audiences to care about these Spider-Man D-listers, then they should convince their filmmakers to care about them first.
