GOKU (DRAGON BALL Z)

Why We Root For Him: He saves the world Why He Sucks: He continues to unnecessarily put the world, and his son, in danger 

Dragon Ball Z is a household staple for anime lovers, often being the gateway into that fandom. Goku (Sean Schemmel), the main protagonist, is on the pedestal of iconic cartoon heroes for his cool personality, amazing fighting skills, and the numerous times you’ve tried to emulate going Super Saiyan. Some may prefer the villains-turned-antiheroes Vegeta or Piccolo (Christopher Sabat), but there’s no doubt that Goku is the face of the franchise. Hell, to the masses, he’s probably the hero of all anime heroes. However, honestly, Goku is an idiot. How many times could he have saved the world about five episodes earlier, but instead thought, “naw, I want to fight this guy at his full strength, so instead of winning now, I’m going to risk the entire planet just to see if I can beat him.” Bruh, you gave Cell (Dameon Clarke) a Senzu Bean to recover his full strength when you had a chance to defeat him. Like, what are you even doing? On top of that, how often has he just up and left his family? Everyone knows his son, Gohan (Stephanie Nadolny), was actually raised by a black man (yes, Piccolo is black. I will not be taking questions). Dude, go be a father! All that said, Goku’s saving grace is a big one. He does always save the day in the end, and often does it in a way that shows selflessness and empathy, including when he leaves his family for the greater good. But dammit man, can you just stop being an idiot about it sometimes?

JENNY CURRAN (FORREST GUMP)

Why We Root For Her: Tragic love interest

Why She Sucks: She continues to lead on and abandon a disabled person

Jenny Curran (Robin Wright) is probably one of the first characters you thought of when reading the intro. Yes, she was a kind child, befriending our lovable Forrest (Tom Hanks) when almost no one else would. Also, the childhood abuse she experienced gives her an understandable excuse for the shitty things she does later in life. That’s the thing, though — it is an excuse. An excuse that many others have been able to overcome, especially with a partner as perfect as Forrest to help her heal. Instead, she constantly exploits Forrest’s mental and emotional capacities, knowing it will be difficult for him to move on. He is too nice and too intellectually incapable of recognizing that she continuously hangs him out to dry. How are you going to take advantage of this man’s kindness, generosity, and body; lead him on whenever possible; and leave him alone every chance you get? Without telling him he has a son, no less!? And he still marries her!! Jenny, you may have deserved Forrest’s love at one point, but by the end of the movie, when young Forrest Jr. (Haley Joel Osment) looks his dad in the eyes for the first time, we all knew that Forrest Sr. deserved better. I hope Junior found a stepmother worthy of his dad’s love.

MOLLY CARTER (INSECURE)

Why We Root For Her: She’s a black woman

Why She Sucks: She continues to self-sabotage EVERYTHING

Let me put this disclaimer front and center before I start on Yvonne Orji’s layered Insecure character: Protect black women at all costs. With that out of the way, Molly is strong, successful, intelligent, financially stable, and an all-around boss, but she also falls prey to the stereotypical, yet unfortunately common traps that plague many successful black adults. Her mental health — trash. Her communication skills — non-existent. Her relationships — toxic. She steadily fumbles beautiful opportunities because she can’t tear down her walls of vulnerability. She broke it off with a good dude because he had a homosexual experience in his past. She couldn’t make her best relationship of the series, Andrew “Asian Bae” (Alexander Hodge), work because she couldn’t deal with all the issues that stemmed from his race, his family, his job, and his unwillingness to let her control the relationship. Yes, they had communication issues, but she held on to her high standards so tightly that she couldn’t see the compromises he was willing to make for her that she wasn’t reciprocating. It’s similar to how once Issa (Issa Rae) found a semblance of success, Molly’s jealousy reared its ugly head because she couldn’t handle no longer being the more “stable” one in their long-standing friendship. GIRL… get out of your own way, get some therapy, tell people how you feel, and don’t let societal norms screw up a good thing. We are rooting for you. WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!

GRANDPA JOE BUCKET (WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY)

Why We Root For Him: He “cares” for Charlie

Why He Sucks: He continues to lay in that damn bed

At 96 years old, you should be able to get a pass on most things, but in this case? Screw all that. Grandpa Joe (Jack Albertson) let his grandchild hustle through the cold streets while he laid in bed, presumably unable to do anything but yak it up with three other decrepit old folks in the same bed. However, once an opportunity appears, his lazy old legs found a way to jump, dance, and prance his way to a whimsical chocolate factory. How convenient for ol’ Grandpa Joe to get that boost of energy. Couldn’t do that to help Charlie (Peter Ostrum) make some money for the family, huh? Sure, Charlie wanted you there with him, and you believed in him and all that… just not enough to go out and help find that golden ticket yourself? If you had, at least we’d know up front that you’d let your family struggle until there was something in it for you. The fun doesn’t stop there, either! Once Joe gets into the factory, he continues to show his ass. Go ahead, Charlie, drink that fizzy liquid that Mr. Wonka (Gene Wilder) explicitly told us not to drink. I’m sure those ceiling blades aren’t too scary. Oh, and sure, Charlie, steal the Everlasting Gobstopper out of spite because we got caught with the fizzy liquid. Don’t worry about accountability. Thankfully, despite his selfish-ass grandfather, Charlie got the step up in life he deserved. I’m just mad that Joe lived long enough to benefit from it, too.

SEVERUS SNAPE (HARRY POTTER)

Why We Root For Him: “Always”

Why He Sucks: He continues to be a petty stalker

Yes, Severus Snape (a blameless Alan Rickman) was brave, but let me break down why that doesn’t matter. Fair warning: I’ve had these words loaded and ready to go for the past 15 years, so buckle the hell up. During the Pensieve montage in The Deathly Hallows: Part 2, when Albus Dumbledore (Micheal Gambon) asks Snape if he finally grew to care for the boy, meaning Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Snape looks Albus dead in his eyes, waves his wand, and out comes a doe patronus that represents Harry’s mother, Lily (Geraldine Somerville), whom Snape proclaims to have “always” loved. I call bullshit. That was not love. That was an incel stalker who could not take no for an answer. From the very beginning, Snape was possessive, vindictive, and petty. Yes, he has a tragic past, but so did Harry fucking Potter. When Harry was treated like a second-class citizen by his own blood, did he become a pompous prick when he found an ounce of power? No, of course he didn’t.

What did Snape do, though? He joined the Death Eaters. Instead of finding his own people to befriend, which Lily tried to help with, he decided to become a whole-ass Nazi. Yes, James (Adrian Rawlins), Harry’s dad, bullied him, but if Snape truly loved Lily — a woman who found enough goodness in James to love him — then I would think Snape would trust her judgement, right? Nope. He calls her a “mudblood” and holds a grudge against her son for decades, from childhood to adulthood. The grudge was so visceral that when Snape found James dead at Godric’s Hollow, he stepped over his dead body like Allen Iverson stepping over Tyronn Lue. He held such a grudge that, as a grown man, he took all his pain out on children. He humiliated an 11-year-old Harry in the middle of class just for taking notes, simply because he looked like his father. He mentally abused non-Slytherin children. He called Hermione (Emma Watson) an “insufferable know-it-all” despite being the most intelligent student in class. He scarred Neville (Matthew Lewis) so thoroughly that Snape became the boy’s biggest fear. Punk ass.

Also, speaking of Neville, here’s a fun fact for all you non-book readers: The prophecy that sent Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) after Harry never mentions Harry by name. There were two children that prophecy could have applied to — one was Harry, the other was Neville. Now, imagine if Voldemort decided to go after Neville instead of Harry. Shoot, imagine if Voldemort decided to go after anyone besides Lily Potter’s son. Snape would still be running around with a hood, not giving a damn about the thousands of witches and wizards dying at the Dark Lord’s hands. He didn’t get on his knees and beg Dumbledore to spare his life until he thought it was Lily who was in danger. He was all for murdering people until it was his beloved who might die. Then, when she actually did die while protecting her son, he didn’t step up to care for her only child in her absence. He scolded, tortured, and criticized that child for seven straight years. In the end, he couldn’t even say that he cared for the boy because he only thought about how much he wanted a woman who didn’t want him and had moved on with her happy life. Bitch-ass Severus Snape is a selfish, crude, child-tormenting, spiteful asshole who only saved the world because of his unrequited obsession with a girl. That patronus was the equivalent of a stalker tattooing an ex’s name on his chest to see it in the mirror every day.

Yes, I used this article just to rant about that greasy-haired piece of shit. I wasn’t lying when I said it's fuck him forever.